Wednesday, 8 May 2019

A year on

Just over a year ago, I started my recovery from an intense mental health illness relapse. A five month hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. A five month hell of daily battling with myself and all of those around me. I nearly lost everything and If I hadn't have made the decision to choose life and to recover, then I dread to think what place I would be in now, If here at all!

I wanted to share my story. Not my story of my illness but the story of how I have recovered and how I have gotten to this place a year later where I am healthier and stronger. The day I decided to get better was a hard day. I don't think I could have felt any lower. I just felt that drive in me to be better and to do better. I hadn't felt that drive in so long and had given up but it was there and I knew that if I didn't act on it, I would never get better. And so I did. I fought so hard those next couple of weeks and my mum started to take me to an amazing therapist who also helped and encouraged the start of my recovery journey.

It didn't take long for mindsets to change. There, of course, where bad days and even now there still are but the fight was stronger than the voices and I was able to get myself in a better place pretty quickly. I needed to because my weight was so low.

Those first 6 months were some of my best months I have ever had. I started to fall in love with myself and I wrote down everything I loved about myself and everyone I loved to do and I made a promise to myself to only do those things that made me happy. Visiting flower fields, spending evenings in forests and going on long road trips to find magical places, listening to music and having my little ladies in the back, adventuring with me. Therapy and counseling have been such a huge part of my recovery and making me the happier person that I have become. There are so many days that I feel defeated and voices come back and I struggle immensely with my anxiety but I have so many amazing tools now to help me cope in a healthier way.

This Spring has started out just like last Summer. I am soaking up the forest and flower meadows and making sure that I am out every day as much as I can. Writing, photographing and just sitting amongst nature. It is so calming for me and something I crave and need. I am so looking forward to what this Summer brings. The adventures I have planned are so exciting and I am going to embrace every single day and see what life brings.

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